HOA Boards – Encyclopedia of Satire

HOA
Boards
—
Targets
of
Satire

HOA
Boards
—
The
Institutions,
Ideologies,
and
Industries

HOA
Boards

Tiny
tyrants
with
lawn
obsessions.

HOA
Boards
—
Targets
of
Satire

The
Institutions,
Ideologies,
and
Industries

HOA
Boards—or
Homeowners
Associations—are
the
unsung
despots
of
suburban
America.
They
are
miniature
regimes,
nestled
between
cul-de-sacs
and
flowerbeds,
ruling
with
a
combination
of
passive-aggressive
newsletters
and
bylaws
written
in
Comic
Sans.
If

satire
is
the
art
of
punching
up,
then
HOA
boards
are
an
ideal
target:
tiny
tyrants
with
lawn
obsessions,
wielding
power
out
of
proportion
to
their
expertise,
dignity,
or
social
skills.

These
are
not
elected
governments
of
the
people;
they
are
power-hungry
cabals
of
Nancy-from-unit-12,
retired
dentists,
and
amateur
legal
theorists
enforcing
conformity
with
the
enthusiasm
of
airport
TSA
agents.
Satirically,
HOA
boards
are
not
just
organizations—they
are
metaphors
for
the
pettiness
of
bureaucratic
control,
the
weaponization
of
taste,
and
the
fragile
ego
hiding
behind
a
clipboard.

The
Institutions
of
HOA
Power

At
first
glance,
HOA
boards
look
innocuous.
They’re
just
a
group
of
neighbors
managing
shared
property,
right?
But
dig
beneath
the
beige
siding
and
you’ll
find
a
shadow
government
with
a
messiah
complex
and
a
monthly
budget.
These
institutions
control
everything
from
fence
color
to
mailbox
font,
and
they
do
so
with
the
solemnity
of
a
Supreme
Court
ruling.

The

satirical
image
of
the
HOA
boardroom
is
ripe
with
potential:
an
overlit
meeting
in
a
converted
garage,
three
retirees
debating
the
allowable
shade
of
mulch,
while
someone
takes
minutes
on
a
Hello
Kitty
notebook.
Their
institutional
power
is
simultaneously
grandiose
and
absurd—like
being
king
of
a
sandbox.

HOA
boards
often
create
enforcement
committees,
grievance
subcommittees,
and
landscaping
tribunals—all
of
which
function
like
tiny
inquisitions.
And
unlike
real
courts,
the
HOA
answer
to
no
higher
moral
law,
only
the
sacred

Covenants,
Conditions
&
Restrictions
(CC&Rs),
a
document
longer
than
the
U.S.
Constitution
and
written
in
a
dialect
of
English
no
living
person
fully
understands.

The
Ideology
of
HOA
Conformity

The
ideology
behind
HOA
governance
is
simple:

control
equals
harmony.
And
by
harmony,
they
mean
visual
uniformity
and
absolute
silence
after
9
p.m.
HOA
ideology
elevates
property
values
to
the
level
of
religious
relics
and
considers
any
deviation—from
solar
panels
to
gnome
statues—a
theological
threat.

At
its
root,
the
HOA
worldview
is
one
of
fear:
fear
of
change,
fear
of
difference,
and
fear
of
slightly
tall
grass.
It’s
a
utopianism
of
the
banal,
where
everyone
looks
the
same,
acts
the
same,
and
paints
their
front
doors
“Agreeable
Gray”
(Sherwin-Williams
#7029)
or
risks
financial
penalty.

Satirically,
this
ideology
is
a
suburban

parody
of

authoritarianism.
It
turns
neighbors
into
spies,
turns
aesthetics
into
law,
and
treats
minor
infractions—like
hanging
a
beach
towel
over
a
balcony
railing—as
existential
threats
to
Western
civilization.
The
HOA
doesn’t
care
about
liberty;
it
cares
about
mulch
density.

The
Industry
of
HOA-ism

HOAs
are
not
just
clubs
for
nitpicking
retirees.
They
are
an

industry,
worth
billions.
There
are
now
over
350,000
HOAs
in
the
United
States
alone,
governing
more
than
40
million
housing
units.
An
entire
ecosystem
thrives
on
their
existence:
property
management
companies,
legal
firms
specializing
in
HOA
litigation,
landscape
contractors
who
understand
HOA
specs
down
to
the
inch,
and
even
security
patrol
outfits
that
treat
skateboarding
teens
like
insurgents.

HOAs
pay
well,
litigate
often,
and
never
sleep.
Satirically,
this
industrial
scale
is
terrifyingly

funny.
Imagine
an
HOA
conference
in
Las
Vegas:
“The
National
HOA
Leadership
Summit.”
Panels
include

Enforcing
Bylaws
with
Confidence
and

Pet
Weight
Limits:
The
Untold
Science.
There’s
a
vendor
hall
where
one
can
buy
tactical
clipboard
holsters
and
HOA-branded
tasers.
It’s

Comic-Con
for
control
freaks.

Meanwhile,
entire
law
firms
exist
to
sue
homeowners
over
things
like
“noncompliant
shrubbery”
or
“excessively
decorative
lighting.”
There’s
money
in
this
madness.
And
as
with
any
industry
driven
by
fear,
conformity,
and
lawsuits,
satire
finds
a
goldmine.

The
Satirical
Bullseye

Satire
targets
HOA
boards
not
because
they’re
the
worst
institutions—but
because
they’re
the
most

absurdly
earnest.
They
believe
they’re
preserving
order,
but
in
truth,
they’re
waging
holy
war
on
personal
taste.
They
are
the
TSA
of
housing:
well-meaning,
vaguely
menacing,
and
obsessed
with
confiscating
things
nobody
cares
about.

From
a
satirical
standpoint,
HOA
boards
represent
everything

funny
and
infuriating
about
small-scale
authority.
They
show
how
quickly

democracy
becomes
dictatorship
when
given
a
whistle
and
a
lawn
inspection
checklist.
They’re
the
living
embodiment
of

too
much
power
in
the
hands
of
someone
who
uses
Facebook
to
post
blurry
pictures
of
raccoons
labeled
“neighborhood
threats.”

The

humor
comes
from
contrast:
people
with
very
little
power
acting
like
they’re
managing
the
Pentagon.
But
it
also
reveals
something
serious.
The
HOA
is
the
front
line
of
a
creeping
authoritarianism
that
doesn’t
wear
jackboots—it
wears
khakis,
carries
a
clipboard,
and
insists
you
remove
your
birdbath
because
it
isn’t
“aesthetically
cohesive.”

In
the
end,
satire
helps
us
survive
these
petty
empires.
It
reminds
us
that
while
we
may
have
to
follow
the
rules,
we
never
have
to
respect
the
rulers.
Especially
not
the
ones
who
fine
us
for
“holiday
lights
still
visible
on
January
2nd.”

Targets
of
Satire

The
Institutions,
Ideologies,
and
Industries

HOA
Boards

SOURCE:

https://satire.info/encyclopedia-of-satire/

Go to Source
Author: Ingrid Gustafsson